It's simple math really, and I have no one to blame but myself. I was lazy last week and did not care enough about my goal.
Well, this ass is not going to magically slide into my size 16 GAP jeans - is it now? NO! So, I picked myself back up this morning and promptly dropped myself off onto the treadmill. And how do I feel - GREAT, of course! Ugh, I need to remember how amazing I feel on the mornings that I work out. Oh, and I figured out how to use the machine I was afraid of last week! I am so happy that I did, it's pretty awesome!
My fill is doing good and I made an appointment for next week to get a little tweak as I am still a little hungry in between meals. For instance, this morning I made one scrambled egg and one piece of turkey bacon and ate it while getting ready for work. So, I would say I finished eating around 7:45. Well, now it's 9:40 and my stomach is GROWLING so loud! Like starving growling and I am so hungry. I am going to eat a Zone bar, but I really want to wait it out a little bit or else I'll be eating lunch too early and then that really leads me down a path of unfocused eating.
Well, that's about it kiddos, I will leave you with a few pictures from the last few days....
This was the calm before the storm, the pictures really don't equate what it actually looked like. It was pretty amazing...
After the storm the weather has just been fabulous the last couple of days. The nights are even better...
I made it to the gym three times last week - it's so difficult to get back into the swing of things. There is nothing more I would rather do than stay in my comfy bed and snuggle with my kitties and husband - lame, I know!
Anyway, I am at the same weight as last week, no movement. Which is better than moving up, right? I am starting a strength training program this week and adding that to my cardio. Previously I was doing cardio and then some arm and ab work. However, I really want to focus on the whole body. Today was the first day of the program and it went really well. Oh, except for the one machine that really just freaked the shit out of me. There was of course an incredibly cute, fit guy standing by it and I wasn't quite sure how to work it. So, what did I do - I walked away and skipped the exercise all together, such a wimp. I WILL do it Wednesday, who cares if I look like an idiot. Eventually I will figure it out and maybe look like I know what I'm doing.
These are the times I really miss having a personal trainer. I get so frazzled because I have no idea how you are supposed to workout. Like there is an order according to the muscle groups and stuff, it confuses me. But I found this great app a few months ago that I have pretty much forgotten about lately. It's called FitnessBuilder and it has a bunch of workouts already created. Looking forward to using this app and really getting a great workout!
I am proud to say that I can do 50 push ups now. Girly, modified push ups, but push ups all the same! My right arm was paralyzed when I was born and I went through a lot of therapy and was lucky enough to gain some movement and strength. However, it is still much weaker than the left arm and my mobility is not so great. So, upper arm exercises have always been a challenge for me. Sari, my trainer, was the only person who actually made me use my arm and really worked it. Any other trainers I've had in the past would basically ignore it because they were afraid they would do more damage. For a while she had me doing push ups on the exercise ball, which is much easier but at the time very difficult for me. I really felt a difference in what I could do, she was really changing my body. Then she moved away to Cali, so selfish!
She comes back to town every once in a while and I make sure I have a few sessions with her. So, about a month ago she came back and we had three sessions. The last thing she had me do in our final session was 5 sets of 10 modified push ups without the ball. I did the first 10 and basically whined that I would not be able to do that 4 more times. Guess what, I DID! Oh, and then my body fell flat on the mat and I cried!
I am happy that I have continued to push myself to do these push ups on my own. The one thing that I have learned is that it's fantastic to have a trainer, but really if you can do it with them - you can do it without them.
My appointment went really well yesterday. Since Dr. Ren and Gaspar weren't available until the end of the month they wanted me to see Frank. Well, Frank is the devil and leaves me bruised for days after an adjustment with him. So, I texted our very own pretty lady Jen and she recommended Laura. Laura was great, she had a little trouble getting to my port, but apparently I have some scar tissue that can be mistaken for the port entry point.
I had an esophagram just to make sure everything is still okay. There have been some pains in my port area over the last couple of months and of course I knew that the band was broke and more surgeries were in my future. Yeah, everything was fine, I was open and needed a fill, but other than that everything was good.
Since I am so sensitive to fills we did a whopping .1 cc and decided that we would just do smaller fills, but more often. I think this is a good plan, plus it will really help keep me focused on my band, which has been a major problem for me lately.
I have posted new goals on the "Goals" page up top. Motivation should not be a problem right now, I am going to California in five weeks and my best friend Kate is getting married in November. The goals that I have listed are based on me going to the gym at least three times a week. I have only dropped two sizes since my surgery and I would really love to be in a 16 for California. It's only one size, but I'm not sure if that is too aggressive. It's a motivator though, right?
I have been missing - again. But this time it has really been a LONG time - really ridiculous. I just wanted to send out a little post to say hi and let you know what is going on. I have been floating between 60 and 70 lbs down for the past year - incredibly annoying. I will be dreading celebrating my two year band anniversary in October and really don't have much to show for it. Now, I do know that I have NEVER been able to keep such an incredible amount of weight off for more than six months, so that is good, but it's really hard to focus on that sometimes. Why is it so much easier to be a Negative Nelly than it is just to be thankful for what you have, ugh?
Along with not blogging, I have not been to see Gaspar or Dr. Ren since March. I really think that between not blogging and not going to the doctor I am screwing myself up. Oh, and btw, not only have I not blogged since the day after my last appointment in March, I have not been reading. I know that I have missed so much in your lives and I am sorry about that. I truly miss you all and I realize now that I really need you all!
So, I am off to Dr. Ren's office this afternoon and will post again and let you know how everything went.
Yeah, I've been missing for quite sometime and guess what? I don't feel like a bandster. Not blogging, not losing, not really paying attention to my band... I honestly haven't had time, ugh!
When I last posted I informed you all of my crazy work schedule. Well, the schedule is still pretty much the same, but the opportunities that I am gaining are pretty awesome! I am trying to approach the stress in a different way, making it more positive than negative. My company was acquired recently, which is great news, but the crap involved before the deal even went through was enough to kill me. I was basically working 24 hours - my full day and then a chunk of Hong Kong's morning. But, the deal finally went through, yay!
Dear Due Diligence,
Go suck it.
As for the band... Basically, I have been bouncing around the same 10 pounds for the last three months. It's pretty frustrating because I always seem to need to get an unfill. But, I am feeling a little better about the whole situation right now. After talking to quite a few wonderful ladies at the NYC brunch on Sunday, I have come to realize I am not the only person with these issues. Just to recap:
1. I am really sensitive to adjustments.
2. I get really tight around my TOM.
These two issues play major head games with me and my band. I decided that since my TOM was over on Sunday that I would call into Dr. Ren's office on Monday to get right in for a fill. Saw Gaspar on Wednesday and after discussing the situation with him he agreed that I needed a fill. He also agreed that I take it easy on the days that I am tight, kinda suck it up for a day or two before running in to get an unfill.
Much needed fill accomplished. What does a much needed fill equate to for a "sensitive" bandster? Wait for it - .1! Gaspar felt that .1 would be a good start and that if by Monday I feel like I can handle more he will put a little more in. Love him!
I have to be honest, right now I feel like I could use like .5 more, but I will see how this weekend goes. The good??? news is that I was the same weight on their scale as I was back in the early Feb. Good, I guess because I'm not gaining. I am happy with my progress, I don't regret my band - I just hate all the set backs I have had. It seems that after my gall balder surgery I have just been a little lost.
Oh well, the past is the past, right? I can't change it, the only thing I can do is work towards my future sucess with the band. Speaking of which, I wanted to touch base a little on my last post. I had listed out somethings that I thought would help get me back on track, here is the list along with my progress (lack there of)...
Things to Get Colleen Refocused:
Blogging Weekly (Minimum) Yeah, didn't do that.
Adjustment Did two so far, yay!
C25K Program Started, but did not finish, boo.
5K April 9th (Yay!) Backed out, boo.
Trip to Cali Yes, this can motivate me so much! It would be so fun to go there and be in a real size 16 or 14 (if I dare say). I could go to any store really and buy some really awesome clothes!
I didn't want to ignore the fact that I posted these. I posted them for a reason, to help keep me accountable. However, when ya don't blog, ya don't see this list. Outasight, Outamind....
Oh, and I had one more thing I would like to address. A long time a go, I was very honored to receive the famous GAP jeans that originally belonged to Catherine. I wore those babies out, literally. I couldn't even give them to goodwill. Tragic! They were getting really big, but I wasn't really seeing that. So, I guess it was good that they began to deteriorate. I said a few words, pulled myself together and threw them in the trash. This forced me to get a new pair since the stupid Old Navy 16's that Kristen gave me recently don't fit me yet! Sorry, they are not stupid, just mean. But, once I can pull them over my thighs I will love them, I promise!
Anyway, I went to the mall on Saturday and as I was walking to find someplace that was not LB but that I could fit in I saw GAP. I walked in thinking, maybe, just maybe... Then I got a little freaked out - what were these sizes? The sales girl must have sensed my confusion and asked if she could help me. I told her that I recently lost some weight and that I was not sure I understood the sizes. She became very excited and starting picking out kinds of washes and cuts for me and threw me in the dressing room! I tried on a couple of pairs and they were just like the mean ON jeans I have taunting me at home. But, then - THEN I tried on the "Curvy" cut and they were not mean! They not only went up my thighs, they ZIPPED!!! Here is a picture - I will not be wearing these out, don't worry! I think maybe in a month or so they should fit much better. I mean, just because they zip does not mean you should wear them in public!
Oh, and the NYC brunch was amazing, as always! But, this one was super amazing, so many people! I finally got to meet my lovely Kristen and Nicole! I did not focus enough on taking pictures, but I was luck enough to get one of me and Joey, so here you go...
So, this is where I am, not terrible, but not great. I will say that blogging is a huge part of keeping things together for me.
Okay, so it's not really the job - it's the weight that I have gained. I saw 200.00 this morning on the scale - that is NOT good. Especially because I have been going to the gym three times a week for three weeks now. I don't understand.
Really?! Seriously, Colleen?! Of course I understand - I have to be honest here. I am eating whatever I want - whenever I want. This is where the job part comes in. I am slipping back into bad habits because I am so stressed out here. I am eating mindlessly all day long. Another contributing factor to the gain is my current fill level. It has been at least two months since my last adjustment - I think it is time to go in.
My weight goal is 170, which is only 30 lbs away. I would like to reach this goal by September of this year. Dan and I are going to California mid-September. How cool would it be if I were at goal for this trip?
So, this brings me to a little list that has been running in my head (while scarfing down bad food items)...
Things to Get Colleen Refocused:
Blogging Weekly (Minimum)
5K April 9th (Yay!)
Trip to Cali
I will have my (.) this week, getting fills during this time is just a big no no for me. My band is way too sensitive and it automatically tightens up this week, so I will have to make an appointment for next week. Which of course is Dan's birthday and I am taking him out to dinner next Thursday. I checked the menu and it looks like there are plenty of soft, mushy foods if I am a little tight.
Lastly, I would like to apologize for my absence over the past month or so. I really do hope that everyone had a great holiday and that 2011 will rock!
I am going to be catching up on blogs this week, I have really missed you all!
**Update** Boo, just called Dr. Ren's office and they are closed for the holiday. Am I the only one who does not have off today!?!