Motivation - Via Mail

Kristen is amazing!  I received a little package from her today with two pairs of pants.  This is actually a great motivator for me as they are both size 16 and I am still in an 18.  Maybe this will be the push that I need to get back on track!

I gained this week and I am not too happy about it.  I really have no idea if this has anything to do with the 7 lbs that I lost the week I was too tight.  I expected to gain some back since I lost because I wasn't eating or drinking anything for two days, but I thought that would work it's self out the next week.  Well now it's carrying over into the following week.  That is not good, dude!

I have been going back to the gym, but I know that twice a week just isn't enough.  My goal has been three times a week, but I fall short by a day every week.  I need to commit to three times - this is ridiculous.  I used to go four times when I had my trainer.  So much easier with a trainer, not gonna lie!  However, that really is not an excuse, I need to get there by myself.  The sad thing is that I have a great gym in my building - I don't have to go outside in the cold to get there - so WTF is my problem, so disgraceful!  

Eating has been a little strange.  I went from being too tight and had my period when I got .2 taken out in order to allow me to eat again.  However; once my period went bye bye so did a little of the restriction.  When he took the .2 out I felt comfortable, but was not able to eat bread or bagels.  Right now I am able to eat half a bagel.  So, the true question is am I okay with this.  I mean, it's about hunger here, not what I can or can't eat.  I want to focus on food choices, portion sizes and how long before I am hungry in between meals.  Hungry - true hunger.

So, this is my plan for the next couple of weeks.  I really want to see the 180's before the end of this year.  That is so do-able, no doubt in my mind - only 4 lbs away right now.  I can do this!

Also, I changed my weekly goals to just gym related items.  Putting an actual weight loss number on there for each week seems to be too much pressure.  Although, I have added the goal regarding reaching the 180's by 12.31.10, and I think it is reasonable.  

Here we go...

Update Monday...

Thank you all for you comments on my first Vlog last week, I was so nervous!

So as I said in my Vlog I was very tight after my fill on Wednesday and was trying to figure out what to do.  Thursday morning I woke up and felt much better and was able to get liquids down so I decided to stay at my current level of 6.4 cc's.

Things were pretty good until Saturday, I got stuck on everything.  Sunday was terrible, I couldn't get liquids down at all.  I was dry heaving and sliming all day, so gross.  My husband is a Dallas fan and the game wasn't going to be on TV so we were going to go out to watch the game.  I told him to still go and have a good time - I was very happy that it worked out that way.  I was on the couch all day with a trashcan at my feet - not very attractive!  Mostly I just wanted to be left alone so it was nice that he had something to do.  By the end of the day I was so thirsty that I was chewing ice and then spitting the liquid out - just to have something cool and refreshing in my mouth.

This morning I was able to drink some water, but went straight to the Dr.'s office to get an unfill.  The more I get stuck and slime the more damage it could do to my band.  Plus I lost 6 lbs according do the scale at their office - since Wednesday!  That is not good and I am so hungry!  Gaspar and I agreed to take out .2 of the .4 that he put in last week.  We both knew that I was very sensitive to fills, but agreed to be a little aggressive last week.  We  now know that just doesn't work for me.  

Hopefully this one will work.  Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I will be away for a few days so getting another adjustment would be out of the question until next week.  

I weighed myself at home yesterday morning for the challenge and lost 2 lbs, but when i weighed myself this morning  I lost a total of 6 lbs.  This is usually how it works for me, I weigh more Sunday morning for the challenges then I do on Monday, my regular weigh in day - bummer!  But, I guess it wouldn't be fare to post a 6 lb loss when it was just because I haven't been eating!  I keep looking at my total loss after I updated my little badge on the sidebar - 69 lbs down!  But, I am trying to be very realistic about next week's numbers - I am sure to go up!  The odds just aren't good - I will gain some of the weight back from being too tight this week, Thanksgiving is here and I will be getting my (.) on Wednesday!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving here in the states!  Gobble, gobble my little turkeys!

My First Vlog!!

Here we gooooo.....

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Um, What is Wrong With Me?!

So, last week I set some goals and put them in two places on my blog.  First place is the top right hand side and the second is an actual page called "Goals".  I figured this would keep me in check.

As you can see I accomplished one of my goals - I went to the gym three times this week.  I really kick my ass - I felt amazing after each session.  However, I did not reach the weight loss goal which was to lose 2 lbs.  In fact, I GAINED 1.5 lbs. - WTF?  This is so disappointing, but I can't do anything to change it, right?  I set the same goals for this week and will see how that goes.

This weekend was a little challenging food and drink wise.  Dan's best friend's father passed away and we went to Bethlehem, PA this past Sunday and Monday for the viewing and funeral.  It was more of a celebration of his life - he was 93 and has so many beautiful grandchildren - a blessed life.  There was a lot of eating out and drinking with old friends, which was nice, but I am sure contributed to this week's gain.

My biggest problem right now is that I am not sure if I need a fill or not.  I am getting hungry quicker, but I am also getting stuck a lot.  There is no consistency with my restriction - Friday night Dan and I made pizza and I ate four slices!!  FOUR - I must be fucking crazy!  Granted, this was homemade pizza so the slices were pretty small compared to a regular pizza, but still.  But, then the next day I couldn't eat my lunch - a grilled chicken wrap.  I didn't even attempt the wrap, since I know my band is finicky.  I emptied the contents of the wrap out and began to eat the chicken slowly.  It took me over an hour and three trips to the bathroom.

I am really not sure what to do here, do I get a fill or do I really concentrate on proteins and see how that goes? I am just so scared that I am going to see the 200's again and that is just not an option...

A couple of photos I wanted to share with the group :)

A few weeks ago I went to the Poconos with my friends for a couple of days.  The weather was perfect and we had so much fun.  We really didn't do much, we drank lots of wine and made fabulous meals together.  After all I have been going through with work, it was just what I needed!

It was a little chilly the night we go up there, but it was so nice to sit outside with our wine after being stuck in the car for the drive there!

Our view from the back deck, I love fall!

Drinks and dinner at 21 Club a couple of weeks ago...

The drink in my hand is called a "Fig and Honey Old Fashioned"  - YUMMY!  The bartender was so excited because I was the first person to order it.  I told her it was fantastic and she said it was based on the pie she makes for Thanksgiving every year!

Us in our room at Hotel Bethlehem this weekend...

Um, another one with a drink in my hand....

That's about it for now, my little kittens!

I Miss You All!

Hi Everyone!

Well, it has been a few weeks since my last blog and that does not make me happy.  My work life is taking over!  So much so that I didn't even post on my one year anniversary, which was October 20th.  But, I am human and this is life.  I am refraining from posting a big salute to my one year, it is over and done.  I have lost over 60 lbs in a year and I am okay with that.

What I am not okay with is how I have somehow become withdrawn from the blogging world.  I am not sure what is going on with my mind lately, but it has to stop.  Blogging helps me and it always makes me feel better.  As the title states - I miss you all - I really do!  I miss your comments, they always make me smile, but most of all I miss having the time to read all of your blogs!  I miss knowing what's going on with you all.  Well, with the exception of the few people I am friends with on FB of course!

Is this all because work is crazy or is it something larger?  Maybe I feel like a failure.  I said maybe!  Look, I have never lost this much weight before and even in this little funk I have managed to maintain and not gain.  That is awesome!  However, I still feel like I should have been down much more by now.

Also, I still don't have a goal yet.  You know, the ultimate goal that you set in the beginning.  My surgeon's office (not my current band doctor) never spoke to me about the ultimate goal.  I have not had a conversation with my current doctor, Dr. Ren, or even Gaspar, the RN.  Maybe I need to make this conversation happen.  Maybe I need something specific to push for...

I feel absolutely fabulous right now, I mean 65 lbs isn't anything to laugh at.  But, what is keeping me from being confident in this band and continuing on?  I need to have a goal - I think that is my answer.  I would love to know what you lovely people think...

Is it Friday Yet?

Yeah, this is how I am feeling.  I hope I don't look as terrible when people come into my office!  I am ready to kill someone, really it's crazy here...

I seriously can't wait until Friday!  I am going to the Poconos with my friends - just the girls!  The only thing that sucks is that I have to leave VERY early Friday morning.  I really hope I am not in the office too late Thursday!

I did not post last Monday and this one is going to be very short and defiantly not informative!  On top of working crazy hours, I am trying to keep up with all of you fabulous people, but it's difficult.  When I glanced at my reader count it said I have over 400 unread - it's only been a week I think!  I can't keep up!

So, last week and this week's weight is the same - holding steady at 196, boo!  I will weigh myself on Wednesday morning again since that is officially a year for me.  Any chance of me losing 6 lbs by then?!

I hope you are doing great!

Shoe Question...

As I am losing weight I am finding that I like shoes!  I want to buy them all!  I saw these and just had to have them.  They were pumps, how bad could they be?  I have a few pairs of pumps that I can wear all day to work or events and not die, but they are super boring.

I ordered them from DSW and they came yesterday...

These are not pumps, no way!  These are way higher than any pump I have worn, I don't think I can wear these!  How do I know when a high heeled shoe fits?  They are a 7W which should be good, the back feels good, doesn't slip, but my toes feel squished.  I imagine that is just gravity - no matter what size they are my feet are going to push forward, right?

HELP!!  I want to be a real lady and wear big girl shoes but I don't know how!  Is this something I can learn?

Progress Collage Time...

The camera is finally up and running again, so I had Dan take my progress shots.  I have also posted these on my Progress Pictures page.  You can click on each one to see it larger.

Here we go...

Here is the comparison from 10.25.09 to today...

I can see a difference!

New Milestone...

I have kept a chart of my progress since the week of my surgery.  I update it every Monday with my weight loss and it automatically calculates my new BMI number.  You can look at the chart in the "Progress Information" tab on my blog.  Lately I haven't been paying much attention to the BMI data, but today when I looked at the number I got really excited - I am in a new category!  I have gone from "Morbidly Obese" (hate that term, brings tears to my eyes) to "Obese"! Obese isn't much prettier than Morbidly Obese; however it's one step closer to "Overweight".  One day I hope to hit the ultimate "Normal" category!


I will admit, reaching just plain old obese seemed pretty far out of reach for me considering how slow that decrease can be.  I have to stop doubting myself, I can do these things, I really can!  I went from a starting BMI of 47.55 (260 lbs) to a 36.12 (197.5 lbs) as of today's weigh in!  That amazes me, total amazes me.  This is by far the most suspenseful weight loss attempt ever for me, I am so grateful!  


I am down 1.5 lbs this week, which is good, but I really need to punch it up this month!  October 20th will be one year since my surgery.  I would like to be down 70, that's 7.5 lbs in two weeks, that seems a little much, but we shall see...


I wanted to update my progress pictures when I reached 199, but my camera has been having some issues.  I should be getting my new battery today, so hopefully Dan can take my pics tonight.  I will post them as soon as I have 'em.


Have a good Monday all!  

Wonderful Six Year Wedding Anniversary Celebration!

First, let me say that I am so sad that I couldn't make it to Chicago.  I have been reading all about the fabulous weekend you all had.  In fact, I was going through some Facebook pics last night and I cried like a little bitch!  I cried for a few reasons:  1.)  I am a baby.  2.)  I am sad that I wasn't able to meet all of you and that I missed out on the good times.  3.)  Your pictures are filled with beautiful ladies!  Ladies that are in different stages of this journey but somehow understand each other perfectly!  That is wonderful!  I hope that some day we can do it again, only this time in NY!

So, other than not being able to bond with all of you - I don't regret a minute of this past weekend - not even the gain of a pound!  It was for a good cause - my marriage, which has been a little neglected due to my insane work schedule.  With last minute travel plans to be made we didn't have much to pick from so we decided to make it a staycation.

There is this incredible market/cafe'/restaurant thingy here in NYC called Eataly.  It is one block from my office and Dan and I have been there several times since it opened a couple of weeks ago.  We decided to go all out and  make a killer meal on Friday night, which was our actual anniversary.  So, Monday we went and scoped it out to get inspired, while of course ordering some delicious treats and wine as we moved along.  We were definitely inspired so on Thursday Dan returned to purchase the goodies for our dinner.  Everything we used was from Eataly and well worth the pretty penny we spent!

Warning - lots of food porn!  You may wonder where the pics of me and Dan are...  I never took any pictures of us!!!!  Friday we were just hanging out and my face was pretty red from all the cooking, eating and drinking!  It was hot in that kitchen!  Saturday was insane!  As usual the weekend trains are a hot mess - and I mean HOT!  They do construction on the weekends and the train was running every half hour, so I was rushing around like a maniac.  We wanted to have enough time to get a few drinks before the ballet.  I finished my makeup and hair on the train!  I had to keep fixing my makeup because it was hot and we were running!  I do wish I had a picture of me in that dress, though!

First course was a bruschetta that I made from diced heirloom tomatoes, red onions and garlic.  Then I sliced (chiffonade) the beautiful, fresh basil, mixed everything together with some amazing olive oil, salt and pepper.  We put some of the olive oil on a few thick, rustic pieces of freshly made olive bread and threw them on the grill.  Once grilled to perfection we topped it with the bruschetta mixture, yummy!  I forgot to take a picture of this one, but it was gorgeous!

Grilled octopus salad was next.  Dan actually bought a whole octopus, which the gentleman at the counter was nice enough to remove the beak for us.  Dan basically did all the prep work on this one while I was out getting my pedi and mani, so I missed the whole process.  By the time I got to see the octopus it was cleaned, skinned and put on skewers for the grill.  After it was grilled we put it over a frisee salad with roasted red peppers and fresh shaved percino.  Dan made a wonderfully fresh lemon vinaigrette to top it off with.  Here is a picture...

We enjoyed these two lovely dishes outside by the fire pit with some amazing white wine.  It was such a beautiful night!

Then we moved back up to our apartment for the rest of the feast!  The next goodie was actually inspired by a little snack I had at Eataly.  Mushrooms with polenta "crackers".  This is a picture of Eataly's - so heavenly!

 At home I tried to recreate this and made an earthy combination of shiitake, oyster and porcini mushrooms sautéed in butter, olive oil and shallots.  Once everything was crispy and started to stick to the pan I deglazed it with some of the killer red wine we were drinking.  I wasn't feeling ambitious enough to attempt the polenta crackers so we bought these little blue cheese biscuit/cookie thingys.  I toped the mushrooms with some fresh sage that was sautéed in butter until just crispy and then put the lovely mixture over the cookies.  Not a great picture, but it was so good!

For the main course we made lamb chops and roasted veggies.  The veggies pretty much took the longest so they were roasting in the oven while we were enjoying our little plates of heaven!  We had baby brussels sprouts, gorgeous French breakfast radishes, baby carrots and fingerling potatoes, which we drizzled with olive oil and seasoned with salt and pepper.  Here is the finished product...

The beautiful lamb chops...

We put some olive oil on the chops and covered them in a sage/salt rub and threw them on the grill.  Just three minutes on each side and they are perfectly medium rare.

This is a picture of Dan's plate - he was so impatient with the picture that he didn't let me officially "plate" it and make it look pretty!  It really doesn't do it justice...

And of course, dessert.  I am not much of a sweets person so we just bought these.  I had a couple of bites and they were okay.  These were the only things we didn't buy at Eataly...

So, there you have it!  A wonderful feast with an equally wonderful guy!  Saturday night we went to the NYC Ballet, so amazing!  I was so happy to be able to wear one of my pretty dresses that I bought for my cruise back in April.  I never wore it on the cruise - it was a little too tight but my friends said it looked good.  I just wasn't comfortable in it.  But Saturday was another story - I didn't want to take it off!  After the show we were trying to figure out what to do.  We were so excited to be back in our old neighborhood (Upper West Side), there were so many choices!  We decided to go to Landmarc, one of our favorites!  As usual we ordered the Smoked Mozzarella & Ricotta Fritters, amazing! 

This would not be complete without an order of their perfectly cooked and seasoned fries!

Sunday was pretty quiet, we went to the beer hall by our apartment and watched some football.  We returned to our apartment and ended the staycation with some wonderful Chinese food and wine.  Then basically passed out by 9!  What an exhausting and fabulous weekend!

Honesty Is the Best Policy....Right?

Honesty....

Though I was very happy to receive everyone's advice regarding my recent downfall - I did not follow it.

Stretch of the truth - I was unable to get a fill on Monday the 20th due to work schedule conflicts. While this is indeed true...

Honesty - My six year wedding anniversary was on Friday and my husband and I planned a really nice "staycation" that involved incredible food events....

Well, for punishment I gained an additional pound.  Once again, I will take it - through out this gall bladder removal process I only gained two pounds.  I am okay with that.

Why am I okay with it - I am back now and ready to move forward.  I got a big girl fill yesterday and went back to the gym this morning!  It feels so good to feel banded once again!

New post with pics from this weekend to come!

Okay, that wasn't as bad as I thought...

Thank you all so much for your encouraging words on my last post!  It really means a lot to me to know that there are people out there that truly understand what I am talking about!

I stepped on the scale yesterday morning for my Monday weigh in and found out that Gilly's verification word on her comment last post was correct.  Noloos!  But, I only gained a pound.  Only one pound, wow!  All that worrying for nothing, I am still in the 100's and that is really all I was worried about.

I went to Target Sunday for a few things and got a really cute sweater and some camis.  Oh, and a belt!  I have never worn a belt!  Anyway, here is what I am wearing today - and I must say - I likey!

So, that is about all I have to report right now.  I am just holding out for my fill on the 20th, ugh!  I hope everyone is having a good week thus far!  I am going to work on catching up on blogs today, things have been a bit crazy at work...

Ooohhh, one more thing!  I wanted to give a shout out to Lise who is back in the blogging world!  I was lucky enough to catch her blog right at the hight of her success, but then she kinda went silent.  I am so happy that she is back and wanted to make sure you guys check out her blog.  She has had to have band replaced and is kinda starting over. Wishing you well, Lise!