Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Jumble of Thoughts...

Let's get right into it - I have not posted for a little while because I was feeling pretty down.  There are a lot of thoughts that are running through my head right now.

Wordle: Fear

The week after I hit 50 lbs down I only lost half a pound.  For the next two weeks I lost nothing!  When this happens all these terrible thoughts jump into my mind.  Is this just another attempt at losing weight that I am going to fail at?  Is this the end of the line?

Luckily this week's number was great, 207.5, down 2 lbs, yay!  I am very surprised I had such a great loss.  I have not worked out because I am lazy and my trainer is away and I have been kinda eating like crap a little.  Nothing crazy, but still not the greatest choices.  As I am eating said crap, the whole time I am thinking to myself "What are you doing?!  You are down 50 lbs - don't eat that or you ARE going to FAIL!"

I am now only 7.5 lbs away from the elusive Onederland.  I really can't remember the last time I was in the 100's, it has to be at least six years.  I am terrified right now, but why?  This is a good thing, I should be excited.  Maybe the possibility of NOT reaching this next milestone is what's messing with my mind.  I have been in this position before - stared at this same goal so many times while stepping onto the Weight Watchers scale.  Hoping and praying this is the week that brings me that much closer - but I never did get there...

Meh, sorry for the sad little post.  Just had to get some of this off my chest.  I hope you all had a wonderful 4th (those who celebrate)!

16 comments:

Kerri said...

Hang in there girl...you are soo o dang close to onederland! You can be there is NO TIME!

Nicole said...

You CAN do this! Sometimes our bodys hit platuea's after losing so much, it may not show it on the scale but I bet your clothes may be getting looser! After losing so much fast, it's frustrating when our loses are slower

Tina said...

yup--we all go through the fear I think. I know you can do it. don't let the demons scare you away :)...The band helps us with the big stuff we just have to walk the baby-steps and you have made 50 so what is another measly few pounds!

Tina

Cheeseburger Girl said...

I can totally identify with that feeling of fear. I'm there right now.
I can only imagine how much more frustrating it is for you since you are so close to such a big victory.

Keep your chin up. You are wonderful and awesome and totally turned my week around for me.

Good things are coming for you.

SuperMegaAnna said...

I have been dealing with my own failure demons lately. The fact that you are aware is the first step to success in my opinion. When you stop noticing, stop working at it, that is when you truly lose track. Keep up the good work!

Linda said...

I totally understand, I had a very big mental block with getting into onederland and I know I self sabotaged a bit. We've all tried and failed so many times that it's the norm and we're waiting for the other shoe to drop. Take a deep realize you ARE successful and will keep being successful.

xoxoLinda

Alexis said...

I'm in the same boat! I'm at 203.8 right now and am so freaking close. The last time I was below 200 was probably about 10 years ago. I was close one time with Weight Watchers and got down to 207, but never made into the 100's. I think I somehow have this subconscious fear going on too! I've seriously been at 203 for over a month now!

We can do this. :)

Angie said...

It is SO so SO hard sometime Colls, and I fully remember that. Feel your feelings, they're valid... But know I have so much faith in you and what you can do with this band. It's not easy, but it WILL HAPPEN. love ya!

Drazil said...

You are so going to get to onederland...and we're all right here cheering you on!

Darlin1 said...

I'm right there beside you Colleen! Onederland here we come!!

Catherine55 said...

Sorry to hear that you've been feeling down. But, you look so fantastic! And you're so close to the 100s and I know you will be there soon!!

It helped me a lot to chart my weight loss and to recognize patterns (like not losing for two weeks, then suddenly dropping a few pounds at once, which made for an average that I could live with). If you're not charting your loss, think about starting to do that. It could help you to feel better during the plateaus.

I can't wait to see your Onederland post, and I have 100% confidence that it is going to happen for you before very long. :)

Kinzie said...

It will be ok, if we did it, you can surely do it. It won't be as scary as you think. It can take time to get there, that's ok cause you will never have to do this again. Hang in there.

Bianca J said...

You're so close to the "1s", you'll definitely get there. Often when I hit a new low it takes a couple of weeks before the scale starts moving again. It can be super frustrating and hard not to get down about it but it always starts moving again. Hang in there.

Congrats on the 2 lbs loss! Looking foward to reading your onderland post.

Joey said...

You are doing so great! Don't be so hard on yourself :)

MLM said...

I can so relate to your post..after I went for my second fill and had lost a good amount of weight over the last month, I feel like I plateaued over the next week and a half..i had the same thoughts of will I just reverse this like in the past..BUT, this is different..we can do it! you are sooo close to the 1s, which I can only dream about ...I know you can do it! I hope to meet you next weekend at the NYC brunch?

Bonnie said...

Hope you are doing well. Can't wait until I am 50 lbs down. Hope you hit Onederland soon.