I Need a Spanking!

Hello Lovelys!

I have been missing - again. But this time it has really been a LONG time - really ridiculous. I just wanted to send out a little post to say hi and let you know what is going on. I have been floating between 60 and 70 lbs down for the past year - incredibly annoying. I will be dreading celebrating my two year band anniversary in October and really don't have much to show for it. Now, I do know that I have NEVER been able to keep such an incredible amount of weight off for more than six months, so that is good, but it's really hard to focus on that sometimes. Why is it so much easier to be a Negative Nelly than it is just to be thankful for what you have, ugh?

Along with not blogging, I have not been to see Gaspar or Dr. Ren since March. I really think that between not blogging and not going to the doctor I am screwing myself up. Oh, and btw, not only have I not blogged since the day after my last appointment in March, I have not been reading. I know that I have missed so much in your lives and I am sorry about that. I truly miss you all and I realize now that I really need you all!

So, I am off to Dr. Ren's office this afternoon and will post again and let you know how everything went.

Um, Hi....

Yeah, I've been missing for quite sometime and guess what? I don't feel like a bandster. Not blogging, not losing, not really paying attention to my band... I honestly haven't had time, ugh!

When I last posted I informed you all of my crazy work schedule. Well, the schedule is still pretty much the same, but the opportunities that I am gaining are pretty awesome! I am trying to approach the stress in a different way, making it more positive than negative. My company was acquired recently, which is great news, but the crap involved before the deal even went through was enough to kill me. I was basically working 24 hours - my full day and then a chunk of Hong Kong's morning. But, the deal finally went through, yay!

Dear Due Diligence,

Go suck it.

Thank you,

Colls

As for the band... Basically, I have been bouncing around the same 10 pounds for the last three months. It's pretty frustrating because I always seem to need to get an unfill. But, I am feeling a little better about the whole situation right now. After talking to quite a few wonderful ladies at the NYC brunch on Sunday, I have come to realize I am not the only person with these issues. Just to recap:

1. I am really sensitive to adjustments.

2. I get really tight around my TOM.

These two issues play major head games with me and my band. I decided that since my TOM was over on Sunday that I would call into Dr. Ren's office on Monday to get right in for a fill. Saw Gaspar on Wednesday and after discussing the situation with him he agreed that I needed a fill. He also agreed that I take it easy on the days that I am tight, kinda suck it up for a day or two before running in to get an unfill.

Much needed fill accomplished. What does a much needed fill equate to for a "sensitive" bandster? Wait for it - .1! Gaspar felt that .1 would be a good start and that if by Monday I feel like I can handle more he will put a little more in. Love him!

I have to be honest, right now I feel like I could use like .5 more, but I will see how this weekend goes. The good??? news is that I was the same weight on their scale as I was back in the early Feb. Good, I guess because I'm not gaining. I am happy with my progress, I don't regret my band - I just hate all the set backs I have had. It seems that after my gall balder surgery I have just been a little lost.

Oh well, the past is the past, right? I can't change it, the only thing I can do is work towards my future sucess with the band. Speaking of which, I wanted to touch base a little on my last post. I had listed out somethings that I thought would help get me back on track, here is the list along with my progress (lack there of)...

Things to Get Colleen Refocused:

• Blogging Weekly (Minimum) Yeah, didn't do that.
• Adjustment Did two so far, yay!
• C25K Program Started, but did not finish, boo.
• 5K April 9th (Yay!) Backed out, boo.
• Trip to Cali Yes, this can motivate me so much! It would be so fun to go there and be in a real size 16 or 14 (if I dare say). I could go to any store really and buy some really awesome clothes!

I didn't want to ignore the fact that I posted these. I posted them for a reason, to help keep me accountable. However, when ya don't blog, ya don't see this list. Outasight, Outamind....

Oh, and I had one more thing I would like to address. A long time a go, I was very honored to receive the famous GAP jeans that originally belonged to Catherine. I wore those babies out, literally. I couldn't even give them to goodwill. Tragic! They were getting really big, but I wasn't really seeing that. So, I guess it was good that they began to deteriorate. I said a few words, pulled myself together and threw them in the trash. This forced me to get a new pair since the stupid Old Navy 16's that Kristen gave me recently don't fit me yet! Sorry, they are not stupid, just mean. But, once I can pull them over my thighs I will love them, I promise!

Anyway, I went to the mall on Saturday and as I was walking to find someplace that was not LB but that I could fit in I saw GAP. I walked in thinking, maybe, just maybe... Then I got a little freaked out - what were these sizes? The sales girl must have sensed my confusion and asked if she could help me. I told her that I recently lost some weight and that I was not sure I understood the sizes. She became very excited and starting picking out kinds of washes and cuts for me and threw me in the dressing room! I tried on a couple of pairs and they were just like the mean ON jeans I have taunting me at home. But, then - THEN I tried on the "Curvy" cut and they were not mean! They not only went up my thighs, they ZIPPED!!! Here is a picture - I will not be wearing these out, don't worry! I think maybe in a month or so they should fit much better. I mean, just because they zip does not mean you should wear them in public!

Oh, and the NYC brunch was amazing, as always! But, this one was super amazing, so many people! I finally got to meet my lovely Kristen and Nicole! I did not focus enough on taking pictures, but I was luck enough to get one of me and Joey, so here you go...

So, this is where I am, not terrible, but not great. I will say that blogging is a huge part of keeping things together for me.

Does this job make me look fat...

Yes.

Okay, so it's not really the job - it's the weight that I have gained.  I saw 200.00 this morning on the scale - that is NOT good.  Especially because I have been going to the gym three times a week for three weeks now.  I don't understand.

Really?!  Seriously, Colleen?!  Of course I understand - I have to be honest here.  I am eating whatever I want - whenever I want.  This is where the job part comes in.  I am slipping back into bad habits because I am so stressed out here.  I am eating mindlessly all day long.  Another contributing factor to the gain is my current fill level.  It has been at least two months since my last adjustment - I think it is time to go in.

My weight goal is 170, which is only 30 lbs away.  I would like to reach this goal by September of this year.  Dan and I are going to California mid-September.  How cool would it be if I were at goal for this trip?

So, this brings me to a little list that has been running in my head (while scarfing down bad food items)...

Things to Get Colleen Refocused:

• Blogging Weekly (Minimum)
• Adjustment
• C25K Program
• 5K April 9th (Yay!)
• Trip to Cali

I will have my (.) this week, getting fills during this time is just a big no no for me.  My band is way too sensitive and it automatically tightens up this week, so I will have to make an appointment for next week.  Which of course is Dan's birthday and I am taking him out to dinner next Thursday.  I checked the menu and it looks like there are plenty of soft, mushy foods if I am a little tight.

Lastly, I would like to apologize for my absence over the past month or so.  I really do hope that everyone had a great holiday and that 2011 will rock!

I am going to be catching up on blogs this week, I have really missed you all!

**Update**  Boo, just called Dr. Ren's office and they are closed for the holiday.  Am I the only one who does not have off today!?!

Motivation - Via Mail

Kristen is amazing!  I received a little package from her today with two pairs of pants.  This is actually a great motivator for me as they are both size 16 and I am still in an 18.  Maybe this will be the push that I need to get back on track!

I gained this week and I am not too happy about it.  I really have no idea if this has anything to do with the 7 lbs that I lost the week I was too tight.  I expected to gain some back since I lost because I wasn't eating or drinking anything for two days, but I thought that would work it's self out the next week.  Well now it's carrying over into the following week.  That is not good, dude!

I have been going back to the gym, but I know that twice a week just isn't enough.  My goal has been three times a week, but I fall short by a day every week.  I need to commit to three times - this is ridiculous.  I used to go four times when I had my trainer.  So much easier with a trainer, not gonna lie!  However, that really is not an excuse, I need to get there by myself.  The sad thing is that I have a great gym in my building - I don't have to go outside in the cold to get there - so WTF is my problem, so disgraceful!  

Eating has been a little strange.  I went from being too tight and had my period when I got .2 taken out in order to allow me to eat again.  However; once my period went bye bye so did a little of the restriction.  When he took the .2 out I felt comfortable, but was not able to eat bread or bagels.  Right now I am able to eat half a bagel.  So, the true question is am I okay with this.  I mean, it's about hunger here, not what I can or can't eat.  I want to focus on food choices, portion sizes and how long before I am hungry in between meals.  Hungry - true hunger.

So, this is my plan for the next couple of weeks.  I really want to see the 180's before the end of this year.  That is so do-able, no doubt in my mind - only 4 lbs away right now.  I can do this!

Also, I changed my weekly goals to just gym related items.  Putting an actual weight loss number on there for each week seems to be too much pressure.  Although, I have added the goal regarding reaching the 180's by 12.31.10, and I think it is reasonable.  

Here we go...

Update Monday...

Thank you all for you comments on my first Vlog last week, I was so nervous!

So as I said in my Vlog I was very tight after my fill on Wednesday and was trying to figure out what to do.  Thursday morning I woke up and felt much better and was able to get liquids down so I decided to stay at my current level of 6.4 cc's.

Things were pretty good until Saturday, I got stuck on everything.  Sunday was terrible, I couldn't get liquids down at all.  I was dry heaving and sliming all day, so gross.  My husband is a Dallas fan and the game wasn't going to be on TV so we were going to go out to watch the game.  I told him to still go and have a good time - I was very happy that it worked out that way.  I was on the couch all day with a trashcan at my feet - not very attractive!  Mostly I just wanted to be left alone so it was nice that he had something to do.  By the end of the day I was so thirsty that I was chewing ice and then spitting the liquid out - just to have something cool and refreshing in my mouth.

This morning I was able to drink some water, but went straight to the Dr.'s office to get an unfill.  The more I get stuck and slime the more damage it could do to my band.  Plus I lost 6 lbs according do the scale at their office - since Wednesday!  That is not good and I am so hungry!  Gaspar and I agreed to take out .2 of the .4 that he put in last week.  We both knew that I was very sensitive to fills, but agreed to be a little aggressive last week.  We  now know that just doesn't work for me.  

Hopefully this one will work.  Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I will be away for a few days so getting another adjustment would be out of the question until next week.  

I weighed myself at home yesterday morning for the challenge and lost 2 lbs, but when i weighed myself this morning  I lost a total of 6 lbs.  This is usually how it works for me, I weigh more Sunday morning for the challenges then I do on Monday, my regular weigh in day - bummer!  But, I guess it wouldn't be fare to post a 6 lb loss when it was just because I haven't been eating!  I keep looking at my total loss after I updated my little badge on the sidebar - 69 lbs down!  But, I am trying to be very realistic about next week's numbers - I am sure to go up!  The odds just aren't good - I will gain some of the weight back from being too tight this week, Thanksgiving is here and I will be getting my (.) on Wednesday!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving here in the states!  Gobble, gobble my little turkeys!